A Moroccan Dean
j’ai besoin d’etre libre
Life still imitates art.
Don’t leave her for me I think she actually needs you I just needed a friend and it just so happened to be you Don’t leave her for me she needs to laugh with you I just make people laugh because it’s what I do Don’t leave her for me she wants to be with you I like together but I find that I don’t need together like other people seem to Don’t leave her for me she seems to love you I just enjoy good company I didn’t say anything about love For I want to be smarter this time Because if you love you don’t flirt elsewhere connect elsewhere blush elsewhere release elsewhere And that’s ok with me But it’s not for you And that’s what you want to flirt to connect to blush to then release? Except with me Knowing you have her To flirt To connect To blush And I guess long distance release You’re quick to say you won’t leave her yet you flirted and connected and blushed your way into pining for a woman that sees it for what it is And fortunately knows better Although that’s unfortunate for you Which puts me in the doghouse as I’m perfectly okay to admit I can’t be who you need me to be How can you hoard all the love hers mine his and theirs? It was all fun and games until you realized I was serious go to bed on you set boundaries on you pursue my purpose on you build a life with or without you As it should be no late night calls no dates no couple talk no going away together and the less flirting the better Not from you As it should be Is it a crime that I don’t love you? Do I owe an explanation for my guarded heart? Do I need permission to exert common sense? Why would there be more between us when us is a union you made up and can never be? You say you’ll marry her so prove it For if that’s true I hope you know I’m all the more right to say no late night calls no dates no going away together and the less flirting the better Especially from you Don’t leave her for me because you say it’s not behind her back yet Why are you asking what happens once you marry an American? I wouldn’t know the first thing about interfaith marriage, let alone green cards of a country I expatriated from Why are you asking for a good morning text? I wouldn’t know the first thing about a loving steady sure thing of a relationship hum Why are you competing with my ex? I’m not a possession and I wouldn’t know the first thing about proving my worth to someone and it actually work out you two have to sort that out But why do you need to vie for a woman you can’t have? Go home to the stand-in wife and leave me to be and live the fullest, richest most wonderful life And that’s how you like it Free Beautiful Smart Kind A little sad And very available It does something to you So you want to provide you want to rescue you want to be the man that saves the day and prove you’re a better man than Jess except no one asked you to In your mind you’re perfect But I see disaster More devastation for a heart that’s barely healed More pain for a life that’s gone through more than it should bear More stress for a mind that still believes it can experience the best Why would you be the solution? How can you be the solution? Should you be the solution? Leave that to another man the right man who can handle me because he’s also Free Beautiful Smart Kind A little sad And fully available That’s the match we need- not the throuple you want that’s purposed to make me bleed Don’t leave her for me Leave her for you- if you do- and leave me out of it leave Latino Jess be He’s got enough on his mind And he didn’t hurt anyone except me but maybe that’s the purpose: for me to grow and to know what real love isn’t so that I would finally let go Let him disappoint me Let him misunderstand me Let him look past me That’s his regret to live with You can’t control us And you’re only interrupting the process Let me love him Let me support him Let me remember him In the good the bad and the gutwrenchingly ugly I needed to know the truth and that’s what I got Can’t take it back now and you’re still interrupting the process Now you have a part to play- don’t get me wrong, cause he started to get it and so did I Once you came around but now that I do I need someone who got it fully from the start- before they even met me- that way when they saw me it was instant The joy The peace The synchronicity The building of a life together You hate that I won’t love you like I loved him and how I’ll love the next but you don’t need it: the joy of me the peace of me the synchronicity of me the building of a life together with me You enjoy the idea of my love but you don’t need it and that’s precisely why you want it To prove to you that you can land What he can’t And that no other man could When you don’t even have an open hand or a ready heart to have and to hold all that I bring She’s the invisible line The barrier they can’t see Yet I know about it And I’m glad Because if she was gone, then you’d really be all over me And I just need silence and maybe some order But especially silence So please no late night calls no dates no going away together and the less flirting the better Definitely not with me Let me be free I’m not trying to hurt you, just respect my wishes Let me be free I want to keep my autonomy Let me be free I plan to preserve my dignity Let me be free And stop blocking who’s meant to be Because I’m not in the market for another undoing. I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll wait on God again. How can you hoard all the love- hers mine his and theirs? Maybe because none of it is yours and that’s who you need to chase next